How to handle your “Bad” second child!
When we had Kaynin from the very beginning, he was easy going. He slept all night, rarely ever cried, and quickly grew to have a people pleaser personality. My mom told me several times, “Just wait until the second one comes.”
The second one, Kai, has challenged us more than we ever expected & kept us on our toes. Kai as a baby didn’t sleep and cried several hours a day due to what was diagnosed as “colic.” Kai has grown to have a personality that likes to push the limits and test everything and everyone. By 18 months old, his daring personality quickly earned him several hospital visits. He had physical injuries popping bones out of socket which resulted in hospital visits…. When told no, he learned how hold his breath until he passed out which after 4 hospital visits was diagnosed as breath holding spells. Kai likes being the center of attention and for the most part will try to do whatever he wants regardless of the consequences.
After having Kai, I struggled a lot because I was so use to my easy going Kaynin. I would complain about the things that Kai did and make comments to my husband about him being “sooo bad.”
But what I didn’t realize was that I was the problem! Kai was perfect the way that he was. I had to learn to appropriately adjust to Kai’s personality and learn to teach Kai in a way that was best for him. I had to change the way I looked at the things that he did.
Instead of being frustrated with his crying, it was my job to figure out what he needed. I learned to stay calm because my anxiety was feeding off to him upsetting him even more. Instead of looking at Kai’s daringness as a bad thing, I learned that I had to teach him what to be daring about and safe places to express that behavior. So he was taught he could not jump off a 5 foot ledge, but he could go jump on the trampoline. I learned that instead of looking at Kai’s desire for attention as a bad thing, I needed to look at it as a need he needed to have met that was my job to meet or teach him how to appropriately meet that need.
Kids are not bad! Kids have different personalities and desires that as parents it is our job to meet or appropriately teach them how to meet for themselves. After realizing that Kai just needed to be taught differently than Kaynin, I have grown to love both of their personalities and could not imagine life differently.
Kaynin is a caring sweetheart who gives hugs at just the right time, and Kai is a fearless clown who always keeps us laughing. So this picture could not explain the boys more perfectly. Kai refuses to take the picture, and once we got him by the tree he wanted to hide behind me while Kaynin is happy and ready as we push Kai’s head out from behind me.
These are the pictures that I love the most because they are REAL! It is accepting everyone’s personalities for what they are. Keep those pictures of your 2 year old screaming crying. Keep those pictures of your 4 year old with cake all over his face. Keep the snotty nose pictures because your niece refused to blow her nose. These are the memories we should cherish and stop focusing on editing our children’s personalities to have a “perfect picture.”
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