How to have order at home with young children

I know being stuck at home with young children can be stressful, but even more stressful when the children are “running the house.” Are your children running things from what they have for breakfast all the way to what time they go to sleep at night? Well, it’s time to take control back of your house!

All kids learn different ways, just as adults do. As parents it’s our job to find out how our kids learn best. Kids learn by seeing, doing, and hearing. I’m going to give you ways to incorporate all of these learning styles in your day to day activities giving your children opportunities to succeed & take away stress from you! Kids thrive off of stability, routine, & consistency!

When kids listen, thrive, and do well it allows us as parents room to breathe!

Follow Megan’s tips = Well behaved children =
Order at Home = A momma that breathes

Disclaimer: You most likely will not see changes immediately. You are correcting behavior that has been allowed for (insert child’s age) years. You must be consistent in what you do! Your child will test you. Be committed to the change. Remember, get order in the house = momma breathes! So back to “your kid will test you.”

Imagine yourself at a coke machine. You put a dollar in the machine and the machine eats your dollar. You typically will put another dollar in the machine to test it again. If the machine still doesn’t give you what you want you get mad. Getting mad may consist of screaming and/or shaking and punching the machine. But you eventually give up and walk away. So if you give a directive to your child and they don’t listen, they may try the same thing a few more times just like you would put more money in the machine, but if you stay consistent, they will get reallyyyyy mad & likely throw a major fit, but DON’T GIVE IN! This means you are near the turning point!

Watch what you say!

Give direct statements

Don’t ask your children if they want to do something if you’re intending on making them do it. You asking your child “Will you please put this in the sink” gives them the option to say “no” because you gave them a choice by asking them. Instead give direct commands: Put this in the sink. Hold my hand. Go to the bathroom.

Watch your mouth

Watch your mouth because they will copy everything you say! Good or bad! If your children are yelling at each other all the time, watch how you speak to them or how you speak to your spouse. They feed off of how we as parents act.

No Means No!

If you say “no”, stick to your “no!” If you say “No” and always give in, your children will learn that your no means nothing and that if they ask you enough or push your buttons enough you will eventually give in! Can you imagine what life would be like if you said “No” and that was the end of it…

Don’t give empty threats

If you tell Brandt, if you hit your brother one more time you will not get ice cream. Do not give in and give him ice cream. I know, I know hes going to throw a major fit and you don’t want to deal with it. Then don’t threat the ice cream if you’re not willing to follow through with. If you tell the girls, if you back talk one more time you wont come to grandma’s & you know good and well shes still going to grandma’s, DO NOT TELL THEM THAT! Find something else to say! They will learn that your threats are empty and meaningless and will keep running the house.

Don’t give empty promises

Do not do: “I will play dolls with you after I get out the tub.” (10 minutes later you get out the tub.) “I’ll play with you tomorrow.”
Kids learn to trust their parents based on what they say & do. So if you don’t do what you say, you will loose your kids trust and respect. Don’t promise them things if you don’t intend on actually doing them.

Say No Less

Say no less? But Megan, you just told me to mean it when I say no.

I know, & you’re right, but try to say no less. Instead of saying no tell them exactly what you want them to do. Give them the appropriate behavior of what you expect. Parents often think kids should just know what to do, but they don’t know what to do unless we teach them.

Examples:

• Layton asks, “Can I play on my tablet?” Instead of “no not right now” try “First you have to clean your room, then you can play on the tablet.” <— This is called the first/then method. This is one of my favorites! The first is something you want them to do and the then is a reward for them for doing whatever the first was that you wanted. They dont get the then unless they do the first.
• Two year old Brantleigh goes to put dirt in his mouth & you want to scream NO as loud as you can. But instead try to respond with, “Brantleigh leave the dirt on the ground, dirt is nasty.” <— this teaches him exactly what you want him to do (leave it on the ground) and why he shouldn’t eat the dirt. If you just yelled no, he has no clue what that “NO” is directed at.
• Parker asks, “Momma can I have cookies?” Instead of “no” an appropriate response would be “First you have to eat dinner, then you can have cookies.”
• DJ says “Daddy can we go to Nicholas’ house today?” Instead of “no” a good response would be, “Unfortunately we can’t go today due to the corona virus and the stay at home order, but hopefully once all of this is over we can go.”
• Logan says “Momma can I go swimming today at Evan’s house?” You answer, “Not today, but tomorrow you can.” <– this gives him a time of when he can so hes not consistently asking the same question.
• Baby Cohen hit brother Dawson. Instead of saying, “Don’t hit.” Try grabbing his hands and telling him, “soft hands, we love with our hands” or “soft hands, hands are for helping not hitting.”

Make sure to incorporate the 5 ways kids learn

I learn by listening/hearing

Give clear verbal instructions throughout the day. Use Alexa & Set timers throughout the day. When giving your verbal warning before bedtime, set the Alexa timer for 10 minutes that way the kids know once they hear Alexa they know it is bedtime.

I learn by watching

Make sure the child is looking at you in your eyes when you are giving instructions & is not distracted with anything. Have a daily schedule posted on the fridge that you can follow and they can go back to review to see what comes next. Utilize a dry erase board through the day. If giving them a first/then direction about something write on the dry erase board “First put waters in the fridge & pick your shoes up, then you may have a snack.” That way they have a visual reminder of what you wanted them to do. Those kids that aren’t reading yet you may try to draw a picture or get a visual schedule.

I learn by doing

Use gestures throughout the day when you want your child to do something. Point to what you want them to do or physically hand them the item they need to put up. Create a checklist on the dry erase board allowing them to physically check off things they complete as they go.

Have a Calm Down Routine

Have you ever let the kids stay up until they crashed just because you didn’t know how to calm them down or didn’t want to fight them all night to go to sleep?

You need a calm down routine.

A calm down routine is a routine that you follow that mentally and physically prepares children for bedtime. It helps their bodies calm down and their minds have a mental warning of bedtime on the horizon.

On week nights, our calm down routine is right after dinner and baths. Each the boys choose a book, we read laying down, once the books are done they go to the bathroom, and then the boys choose between mommy or daddy who is doing to bring them to bed that night to tuck them in.

Consistency in this routine is key!

If you say bedtime is 9:00, at 8:30 give your verbal warning of “Bedtime is in 30 minutes” and then again at 8:50 “Bedtime is in 10 minutes.” At 9:00, “It’s 9:00 time to go to the bathroom and lay down.” <– this is without a calm down routine. With a calm down routine you could do the same thing, the warning would just be “It’s 8:30, in 5 minutes we are reading a book.”

No if, ands, or buts!

Notice I didn’t incorporate TV or tablet time in this calm down routine…. Studies show that electronics actually keep the brain running instead of calming it down which will effect how well a child sleeps at night.

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